We live in the technological age where you can do essentially everything from your computer, you can talk to your friends, watch a movie and even kill your friends in a virtual world, all from the comfort of your own home. What a time to be alive, right?
A new ability has arisen from the information age, the ability to meet those sexy singles in your area without contracting a computer virus (though you may catch something else ifyouknowwhatImean? No? OK).
This is due to the creation of casual dating apps such as tinder (or grinder). On this app you browse through a gallery of faces and decide whether or not you would like to get to know the person attached to that face. If you both decide you have likeable and visually pleasing faces, you are thrown into a chat. Tinder is essentially the tech age of that weird matchmaker friend everyone has where they run around the party trying to find your perfect match. Or speed dating, except you don’t have to leave the house and admit you do speed dating.
It sounds pretty simple. As a single man in his early 20’s you would think it would be perfect for me, and it probably is. Though for some reason I can’t bring myself to ever use it.
Is it me trying to retain dignity? maybe, though if you know me, you’ll know dignity is not an issue. I do believe it is fear. The fact is, that when you remove the prospects of tinder, it becomes an online butchers, only the best looking cuts get snatched up whilst the weird ones get thrown into the dustbins at the end of the day to be left for neighbourhood cats. Everything is based on looks, it is a relationship in the most superficial form, and if that’s the case then I’m up shit creek without a paddle unless somebody happens to find the hell spawn of Ray Romano and David Mitchell to be their type.
If you do get past that first hurdle then you are thrown into a chat, a chat where first impressions are absolutely everything. Seriously, you need to be creative with your introduction. You can’t just start the conversation with a simple “Hi”.
Hi? Anyone can say Hi, you unimaginative prick!
I’m not what I would consider to be a shy man, but I do consider myself to be a man who’s brain goes to mush when under pressure in these situations. Seriously, it’s not pretty.
Actually, come to think of it, it may have something to do with pride. Going to a form of online dating feels like a retreat from real world interactions. I don’t blame those who do it, I mean we now live in a world where trying to strike conversation on the street is considered harassment, so meeting people in the real world is restricted to the more gentlemanly method of drunkenly grinding against somebody in a dark, sweaty club, because that method definitely isn’t harassment, but the former most certainly is.
I feel like I have been defeated if I choose to use tinder due to hearing how easy it is from friends. “You just chat to them and then meet them”.
I guess the simplicity in itself is scary, if you screw it up, you look like the mayor of Moronsville. The people will stop and they will point as they shout “He can’t even tinder right, it’s easy but he still fucked it up.” As you stand there with your pants around your ankles, sweating profusely with embarrassment… And…and I forgot where I was going with that one.