Tag Archives: End of Days

Black Friday : Battle Royale

The United Kingdom taking on elements of American culture is becoming quite a common thing. Heck, we have taken on Halloween from Americans, Yellow Buses and even HBO. We see something American and suddenly we want it. They just seem so gosh darn interesting with their talk of freedom and their love of guns and Fresh Prince of Bel Air, fascinating stuff.

The same has happened with Black Friday, an American National Day where people devolve to their most primitive and begin to hunt, but instead of hunting for food, warmth or resources; they hunt for great bargains and they don’t care who gets in their way. Anybody who’s not them is the enemy. It’s pretty much like Battle Royal but less enjoyable for everybody involved. Except those who watch it.

Though the origins of Black Friday stem from another American Holiday; Thanksgiving Day. The wondrous holiday where the Pilgrims and Native Americans sat down together and enjoyed a delightful harvest feast… and then the Pilgrims royally dicks the Natives, it’s a delightful story with almost fairytale-like consequences.

Warms my heart.

Though we don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, it had nothing to do with us, so for us to celebrate Black Friday seems more than a little pointless.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have a consumerist day before Christmas that causes us to run out in masses and strike down our fellow man simply because the new PlayStation 4 is £15 cheaper than it was the day before. It’s a brilliant boost for the economy and it’s absolutely hilarious to watch footage of the madness from the comfort of your warm home. It’s like watching the end of the world from the surface of the sun. Cosy.

Though I’m saying if we do have it, make it more for us. Here in the UK we have plenty of moments in history where we did something truly terrible, why don’t we use one of those days? We can have a day of brutal methods of shopping AND a day where we stuff our faces with too much food. How could anybody fault that?

Though the name would have to go. After a nicely named holiday such as Thanksgiving, following it with a day like Black Friday makes it sound a tad sinister. Every time I hear Black Friday it simply reminds me of the Battle at the Black Gate from Return of the King, and looking at some of the shopping footage, it looks very close to the mark.

Personally I believe ‘Shouty, stabby shopping day’ sounds much nicer, it rolls off the tongue and it lets you know exactly what you’re getting into.

Oh well, the sinister Friday is done for another year and we can all look forward to Christmas and then the Christmas sales; where mankind as a whole will collapse at the very sight of the Next Boxing Day Sale.